• Your idea of serving breakfast is giving each of your kids a fork and dropping an Eggo in the middle of the table.
• You reprimand your children with "minors," "majors" and "misconducts."
• When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns green, you stop.
• When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns red, you get really excited and chant, "He shoots!  He scores!"
• I nstead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything.
• You call a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame a "pilgrimage."
• You went into a bank because it advertised "Free Checking"....and walked out disappointed.
• You can pronounce anything in French, yet you have no idea what it means.
• Every time you hear a siren you wonder who scored.
• You're not allowed to play chess simply because the first time you played, you misunderstood the meaning of the word "Check."
• Everything in your wardrobe is your team's colors.
• Your closet is divided into 2 sections:  HOME and AWAY
• You make biscuits in dimensions of 3" by 1."
• You burn the biscuits black.
• You play a game with one of the biscuits.
• You deck the guy who says, "Check, please."
• You own a Zamboni.
• You keep your Zamboni in the garage while your main car stays in the driveway.
• Your calendar only runs from October to June.
• You wonder how you will get through July, August, and September.
• When someone says, "two minutes" you respond, "What for!?!"

It's All About Perspective

Little Billy arrived home after his hockey game, threw open the door and ran to his Dad.
"How was the game, son?  How did you do?" asked his father, who was unable to attend the game.
"You aren't going to believe it, Dad!"  Billy exclaimed.  "I was responsible for the winning goal!"
"That's wonderful," his dad said.  "How did you do that?"
"I missed my check on the other team's high scorer!"

One For The Hockey Moms

Four women were having coffee and bragging about their children.  The first woman says, "My son is a priest.  When he walks into a room, everyone calls him father."
The next woman tries to top her, "Really?  My son married the princess of a small European country and when he walks into the room, people call him your highness!"
The third woman chirps, "Well, my son is a cardinal of the church.  Whenever he walks into a room, people call him your eminence!"
The fourth woman is just sitting there sipping her coffee silently and the other three look at her in a subtle way, as if to say 'well...?'  She smiles and says, "Oh.  My son is a very large and handsome hockey player.  Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "OH MY GOD...!"

Descriptions of Team Positions

TEAM COACH
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to The Almighty

TEAM CAPTAIN
Leaps short buildings with single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with The Almighty

ASSISTANT CAPTAIN
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB gun
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with The Almighty if special request is granted

DEFENSEMAN
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a switch engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by The Almighty

FORWARD
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals

ROOKIE
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls

GOALIE
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets with his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance (who needs a Zamboni?)
He is The Almighty

Chuckle a little more at these other sites

www.hockey-humor.com
A collection of hockey jokes, cartoons and funny quotes

dir.yahoo.com/recreation/sports/hockey/ice_hockey/humor/
A list of hockey humor sites

www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Arena/2291/Features/humor.html#Jokes
Hockey jokes and riddles

The Hockey Source does not necessarily endorse all the information on the linked pages it provides.